Going into the heart

Sitting next to him, a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eyes, red hair flaming with not a touch of grey. I see what your problem is, you’ve got to get a bigger god, it’s starting to get too small and your trying to use your head to supplement it. You know that it doesn’t work, causing you nothing but pain and strife. When you have a small god you can’t stay in your heart. You spend all your time in your head wanting this expecting that, determining the way things should be. We come from the heart remember. Do you remember how to get to your heart?

I looked at him than looked inside. It was true I felt it that emptiness of longing, wanting, needing and desire. Frustration at the way people behave and the choices that others make, anger and expectation, broken hopes and lost desires, frustration and damnation. I knew what I had to do but there’s a difference between knowing what has to be done, and knowing how to do it. They can be two separate and distinct things. How do you get into your heart, to love instead of ponder to care instead of connive. It’s a lonely place, in the head. There’s no one there but you. Knowing that I needed to get into my heart, but that I didn’t know how too. I looked at him the desperation of my conclusion written across my face, like the banner at times square

“ HOW, HOW, I'm LOST, HOW, HOW”

A soft smile graced his gentle face. You know its only 18 inches between the head and the heart, but it can be longer then the span of the universe, for most. Its not an easy thing to do, going to the heart, our world encourages everything but being in the heart. Even religion wants you to be in the head. Planning, predicting, intellect all of these things are of the head and they cant get you into your heart, there is no thought no plan, no idea that will drop to your heart. Only the action of going to the heart will get you there. Just decide and come from your heart instead of your head. Sounds simple I though yet impossible like a misnomer, you do not have to do anything just everything, or it is this and not this when referring to the same thing.

The mind is a thinking organ, it analyses and reacts, it pulls together thoughts that it creates from the world around you, the heart pumps, it pumps blood, it pumps life it pumps oxygen, that’s all it does. It acts, it acts from a place of love, it acts without motive, and it acts for the sake of acting. Coming from the heart is the same way, acting from love, acting without motive acting for the sake of acting. Just do and act instead of think and react. Then you will be coming from the heart and not the head.

It’s not easy though, it can quite possibly be the hardest thing you will ever do. I still battle with it on a daily basis, constantly going from the heart to the head. Realizing where I'm at then returning to the heart. You will not master this thing all at once. It gets easier as you go along. It also helps to get a bigger god.

The bigger your god is the less you worry about getting what you think you want. A really big god, knows what you need. A really big god has the power to perform miracles in your life. A really big god requires nothing more than trust and action. Trust that this really big god will always come through for you, acting based on the trust that this really big god will do what needs to be done. You will find that when you have expectations, your god is not big enough.

How could you have an expectation when your really big god will give you exactly what you need? When you want something in your own time, you have a small god, how can you want anything if you know that your really big god will give you everything you need, when you need it, without fail, and without hidden agendas no strings attached. When you have fear you have a small god, a really big god will always be there for you, will always take care of you, provide what you need without flaw. You can never be in danger when you have a really big god, because he will always protect and guide you. When all your prayers, are prayers of gratitude and thanks, when you only ask how can I help how can I be of service. You know that you have the biggest god that one could ask for.

I thought about this pondered it for what seemed like an eternity, like all fundamental truths this was not really a lesson in life but more of a remembering of things once forgotten. The air of laughter and the touch of grace went into me, I was still spun staring at everything that went by, wanting to be anywhere but where I was. I suffered from the 31 disease I was thirty-one, single, with no children. Somewhere along the line I got the idea that a stable thirty one year old is married, has a family and is living the American dream. I was like a ferret jumping though hoops, trying to steal whatever I could out of this life and the world around me.

Resignation is also a sign of a really big god, I began to resign myself to myself, giving up and ending the fight. Saying thanks to my new really big god I realized that I was precisely where I was suppose to be, and all the things would come in their own time. My really big god would provide for me, walk along side of me and protect me from myself. Then I knew that I had always been under the care of my new really big god, I had chosen not to see it. I hugged my fiery haired friend and went back to work, on the way to my car I smiled and said “hello” to a perfect stranger, I'm not sure why it startled him I guess it just came from the heart.